Numb...

I'm not really sure what to think right now. My heart hurts to the point where I'm not really sure whats happening. Last night I cried more than I ever though was possible. It killed me knowing that I couldn't be there for my friends who were hurting. They know the circumstances that I'm in and completely understand. Its just that I wish I could do so much more than I'm able to. The situation wasn't really helped this morning when my mom said: "be prepared, you know you're going to get the blame if they loose". That killed me. I already feel bad that I couldn't be there to help them prepare and support them through this crazy weekend. Now in the back of my head is the feeling and thoughts that I'm responsible. I already feel bad enough that they had to put up with what they have had to this year now there is more guilt placed on my shoulders. I'm really not sure what to think and feel. I know that they'll get through it, they're strong enough and can persevere... I know that I'll be able to as well, it will just take a little time!