As I begin to pick up the pieces...

I never thought that something could break me so much, I thought I was stronger than the petty drama and crazy people that were intertwined with my job. I know it seems like this is all I talk about lately and really it is because it's something that was ingrained in my life for six years and all of a sudden it's gone. It's something that I cared about and loved with all my heart and now I can't do it anymore. But honestly, I would take all this pain all over again for some of the kids. Some of them have become more than just my kids, they are my friends. And my friends are the ones that have kept me going through all of this.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting outside enjoying the day and doing some last minute cramming before my assessment test. It was such a beautiful day, but I couldn't seem to concentrate on my studies nor how gorgeous the weather was... I was in my own little world thinking about the my kids and what I couldn't do anymore. It was in this instant when the serinity prayer popped into my head: "God grant me the serinity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". It's a prayer that I've heard many times but it never made sense to me. There was nothing I could ever relate to it, so I never really prayed it until now.

I now realize that there are situations that I can not change, but better yet there are ones that I can. I cannot change the fact that I'm no longer coaching. I cannot change the fact that I miss my kids tremendously. I cannot change the fact that I'd give anything to still be with them. BUT... I can change how I feel about it. I can change the impact that this has on my life into a positive one. I can change how I handle what has been placed before me. I can live my life hoping that I've made a difference in the six years that I was there.

And now as I try to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, accept what I can't change, but be courageous enough to change those I am able to I ask for your prayers. This journey by no means will be easy or full of joy. It will be one of peaks and vallies, one of sunshine and thunderstorms, and happiness and sorrow. Change is not something that I handle well, so I pray that this may be a semi-smooth transition and that God's will may be done.

Love and prayers, now & always!