We've all heard that at least once in our lifetimes, but what happens when the fake smiles can no longer mask the hurt that's inside? What happens when you've lost yourself in the midst of trying to please others? What happens when you start becoming what you've told yourself you'd never be? These are the kinds of things that have been going through my head lately. I'm tired of pretending everythings okay. I'm tired of being broken inside. I'm tired of smiling when I'm falling apart inside. I'm tired of hearing that I'll never be good enough or that you feel sorry for whoever I marry. I think that I am fully capable of becoming an amazing wife and mother. It's what I've wanted for so long and I'm not giving up because you don't think I'm good enough. I am a firm believer that there is someone out there just for me, my soulmate. I'm just tired of being patient and ready for him to show up. I'm ready for a positive change, I'm ready to have someone there for me as a constant support, I'm ready to love someone with everything I have and to recieve the same in return. Anyway, since I'm not in control of that situation at the moment I'll move on to something else. I've done a lot of thinking in the past few days. Thinking about the past, present, future, work, life, family, friends, faith, etc. Its something thats needed to happen and without it happening I can't take the necessary steps to becoming happy again. I'm devoting this week to me time in preperation for the new year. I have huge hopes and dreams for this coming year and have to prepare myself for them mentally and emotionally. I'm not really going to get into that until my "year in review" post later this week. I'm hoping this works because I don't like what I'm becoming.
Anyway, I slept till 10:00 this morning! Thats almost a miracle! That doesn't happen very often at all and it felt amazing! I've been staying up later than normal lately but still waking up between 7:30 & 8 so it felt great to sleep a little later! It just doesn't feel as if I'm caught up on my sleep yet. It also doesn't seem like Christmas time to me. It seems like Christmas was awhile back, until I walked into Church tonight and there were trees and pointsettias all over Church. For some reason things were different tonight, Church has become my sense of peace in a chaotic and fustrating world. Tonight I ran into an old friend, it was so good to see her! It is so often that I forget how amazing some of the people that I used to be really close to are! I'm ready to start new, and I know that I can't fix some of the friendships that I've neglected in the past but that doesn't stop me from establishing new and amazing friendships.
O well, that's all I have for tonight I'm pretty tired! Until tomorrow, love.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment