Life as of now...

On April 1 of this year, my life changed forever. After rushing my grandpa to the hospital and staying there all day, he was diagnosed with untreatable lung and liver cancer. My life, which the week before, had been devoted to school, speech, family, and friends - was now devoted strictly to family. I didn't care about anything anymore. I went from working on Mondays and Wednesdays and going to school 0n Tuesdays and Thursdays to going to school and spending all my time at my grandparents house caring for my grandpa. I was blessed to have Wednesdays to get away from the chaotic family stuff on Wednesday and spend my day working with the speech team. It turned into my only out. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing in the world for spending those two days a week with my grandpa for his last four weeks and four days. Since he's passed away, things have kinda been at a standstill. I have had so much more than I ever expected added to my plate. In addition to school, work and maintaining relationships with my family and friends - I've become what my grandma likes to refer to me as "her body guard". My grandma hardly ever goes anywhere outside of a three mile radius from her house by herself. I'm the one to go with her to the grocery, walmart, the doctor, the dmv, and anywhere else that she may need to go. That took so much to get used to, when before I was so used to doing things on my own. Once I felt like I kinda had control of my life again, we had to rush my grandma to the hospital to get two stints put in her heart. After that week long hospital stay, she moved in with us for a little over a month. When she moved back to her house and I was able to move back into my room, it was pretty close to school starting. I knew that this year would be different at work becuase of a major coaching staff change, but I didn't realize how different it was going to be. I went from working one day a week from 7:30-4:30 to working from 2:00-5:00 on Mondays and 7:15-5:15 on Wednesdays when I'm lucky, a lot of times its later than that before I leave. I have never contemplated quitting a job as much as I have in these past few months, but in my heart I know I never could. The team as given me so much in the six years that I have been involved with it that I could never imagine my life without it. I love it so much, that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I hope that I can give back to the team as much as it has given to me. This week, my uncle (who is paralyzed from the shoulders down) was put in the hospital and we still have no idea whats going on. It's really hard for me to talk about what and how I feel, so instead I hold it in and probably seem really distant. So in the end, I apologize for all the relationships I've neglected in the past few months and am hoping that blogging will help me from keeping everything bottled up and at the same time give yall an insite into what I'm going through. Without yall, I have no idea where I would be. I cherish each of my friendships and hope that you can bear with me as I try and pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together again.