Sweet Memories...

As I was cleaning my room tonight, in preperation for a new year and new begining... I came across some stuff that brought back a flood of memories and emotions. In going through piles of paper on my desk, on the floor around my desk, well everywhere actually... I found things and notes that I didn't even know existed. I found notes from my senior year in high school that of course made me cry because I miss those days a lot. I found my agenda and yearbook from freshman year at UA. Wow... how I miss who I was then! I think thats the last time I was truly myself with everyone. Sure since then I've been myself, but only around certain groups of people. I'm so afraid of rejection (I guess is the term) that I only feel comfortable around people that I know will accept me for me, i.e. my speech family and close friends. With everyone else I'm really really quiet and insecure. I miss my UA days and actually I want to get the sense of self and happiness that I had then back. For that reason, I am looking forward to this new year. I have many many hopes to not be afraid to be myself, to have more fun, to love unconditionally, and to laugh as much as possible. In cleaning, I also found a letter that a friend whom I've since lost touch with wrote me. She somehow captured everything that I used to be and long for in that letter. It definently reminded me that I can do it, even though it may take time and a lot of energy it will be worth it in the end. I know that no matter how much I want to be the person that I was when I was at UA, I won't be exactly the same. Of course I won't, that was almost seven years ago. My life has been impacted by so many amazing people, experiences, difficulties, and joys. I have matured and learned a heck of a lot since then! I am hoping that I can put the past behind me, and move on. Another thing I found while cleaning that hit me pretty hard was a poem written for me by a friend. I'm not even sure if this person remembers it, since its been years but I sure do. Everytime I read it, I cry happy tears because I know how much that person has had an impact on my life and I'd be truely lost without them. I also found a whole bunch of pictures... pictures from middle school and high school. It was so scary to see those pictures, yet each of them told a story and brought me back to the moment they were taken. I think that's why I love taking pictures so much... they are truly worth a thousand words! It's so strange to think that there is only a little over one day left in 2008. Where has the time gone? I'm ready for a new begining, one that will be positive and encouraging.

Onto the happenings of today: I really didn't do to much. I finished cutting that darn book, although I'm still not happy with the cutting. Oh well! I started reading another book to cut for a duet, hopefully I'll finish cutting it before the end of next week. I'm hoping to get a lot done tomorrow, but who knows. I've kinda been "go with the flow" lately, which is kind of exciting because before this break, I was so "everything has to be on a schedule and if you screw it up, I can't function". I am proud to say that I'm trying to break that habit in certain situations. There are other situations when I have to have a schedule with a bit of structure (i.e. work). I am trying to be more flexible and accepting of change though. We shall see!

I'll post the "Year In Review" post tomorrow with my thoughts on the past year and hopes for the year to come! Until then love.