New Year, New Commitments

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." - Philippians 4:6

Happy New Year! (A few days too late!) Rather than making a typical new years resolution, I've made a new years commitment. I've made a commitment to pray more. It may sound like such a small thing to do, but I have come to realize that the power of faith and prayer is the only thing that will carry me though this crazy life. I have made a commitment to formal type prayers as soon as I wake up in the mornings and right before bed. It's been quite helpful to me in handling the bumps and blocks that line my road of life. Pray that I may continue this commitment and grow stronger in faith and love! :D

Closing One Chapter and Opening a New One...

There is no quote to encompass all of what 2009 brought and took away. It was a year of pain, emotional toil, loss of jobs, new jobs, new challenges, a whole lot of school work, new friends, and new opportunities. It's a year that caused a lot of heartache won't be missed by me. 2010 will yield a lot of new beginnings including student teaching, leaving my job at the daycare, graduation, and hopefully teaching full time! Here's to putting 2009 behind me and opening my heart to the possibilities of 2010!

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe

I both love and hate this quote, and it's pretty pertinent for today.

I know that everything happens for a reason, and although sometimes that reason is unknown it always has a purpose. This "reason" for things not going the way I wanted them or envisioned them is always hard to accept at first. Last week when I got my student teaching letter and saw my assignment all I could do was cry. The school I was assigned to was nowhere on my radar and frankly I had no idea how it was all going to play out. I don't drive and the school was nowhere close to my house, I had no clue how things were going to play out and was stressed. I was talking to a friend about my fears and nervousness, she reassured me that thinks would work out. After some thinking time, I realized that this may be a blessing in disguise. The school I originally wanted was the school where a lot of my Life Teen kids go to school so they would be in my classes and I'd have to worry about professionalism and such both in the classroom and at Life Teen. Later that afternoon, I got a phone call from that same friend mentioned earlier and when I answered she said "God loves you!" and of course I was like yea but why did He not give me somewhere close... and she responded with "because I got that school too and we're carpooling". After I hung up with her I realized, that God knew I cared too much about my Life Teen teens and couldn't sever my ties with them. Secondly, I think God knew that I wouldn't be able to do it on my own so He sent a friend to journey through student teaching with me!

I don't think I even have to get into the second part of this quote, the part where people change so you know how to let go... this has been the story of my life for awhile, if you don't believe me look back at the blog where I talk about a "friend" telling me to get over things and then going do them or the numerous people that stabbed me in the back for their own benefit.

Moving on... "things go wrong, so you can appreciate them when they're right". If finally discovered why I went through all the crap I did with youth group awhile back, it was for just this reason... for me to appreciate them when they're right. I know I've mentioned Life Teen in this post and my previous one, and it has honestly changed my life! I've been involved since about August and I honestly couldn't imagine my life without it. Some of the core team have become very close friends of mine and others are like family to me. They are constantly there for me, supporting and encouraging me through the way. On the other hand, the teens are probably more inspirational to me than I am to them! They are completely amazing and I thank God everyday for this ministry! This is absolutely amazing in comparison to my last ministry experiences including the one of being denied Adoration by being locked in a car. I'm so thankful for my fellow core team members and friends that I have made during this short journey and the many more I plan on making as I continue this ministry.

The next part of the quote is the reason why I hate it! There was a long period in my life where I thought I could only trust myself, that there was no one else that was actually on my side they just wanted information so that they could use it against me later on. This is probably because most of the friends that I made in my life did just that. So in the end I didn't trust anyone for awhile and kept everything inside, which of course just made everything worse. Not being able to talk out issues and worries led to a depression that thankfully I'm pretty close to being out of, although I still have my moments and thankfully I have friends that let me vent and lend a listening ear and words of encouragement when I'm in those types of moods. I have been blessed with amazing friends who I trust with my life. If it wouldn't be for them, I'd probably still be on meds to make it through the day. I know I probably don't tell my friends enough, but thank you, thank you, thank you... you mean the world to me and I love you for all you've done for me!

And finally, the last part of the quote. The bad times have come and will continue to come back in different forms all along this journey of life, but if that's what it takes to get the eternal reward of Heaven.. bring it on! As Catholic's we believe that the good things in life will fall to prepare us for eternal life in Heaven!

Thats all for today, don't forget to tell the ones you love that you love them and are grateful for them! :)

Long Time No Post...

"I want to invite you to “dare to love.” Do not desire anything less for your life than a love that is strong and beautiful and that is capable of making the whole of your existence a joyful undertaking of giving yourselves as a gift to God and your brothers and sisters. . . Love is the only force capable of changing the heart of the human person and of all humanity..." - Pope Benedict XVI

Life has been crazy! I'm going to try something new by starting every post with a quote that sums up my feelings of the day. This one just so happens to be a Pope Benedict quote on love that I read on a friend's profile the other day. No, I'm not in a relationship but that doesn't mean I don't love. I love my kids at work and my life teen kids, I love my family and friends to death, but I have yet to find that "love" that forms a relationship. I could go on and on about that, but I do know that when the time is right, that person will show up... I just have to be patient!

I love this quote because how many times are we afraid to reveal our hearts and the love in them for the fear of isolation, scrutiny, and rejection. And how many times do we want to change someone for the better. Our heart is the only thing that will allow us to know and love each other for who we really are. It is through giving our hearts and allowing us to love and be loved. It is hard to step into the the world with an open heart, especially for me. It's hard to allow the most vulnerable part of me to be seen when it is normally hidden to all except those I am close to.

So I pray that I and you as well may be willing and accepting of having an open heart to the world, knowing that no matter what we have someone watching over it for us!

It's a what...

Ok time for a work story!

Yesterday on the playground during recess two of the three girls in my class were sitting on the wooden truck thing that we have and were being really quiet and looking at something in on of their hands. Knowing that we don't bring small toys on the playground and that they are not allowed to pick up sticks, hay and the like I went see what they were doing. This is how the conversation panned out:

Me: Hey girls, what are yall doing?
Bri: Playing on the truck.
Me: (to Bri)What do you have in your hand?
Brooke: She has a cigarette!
Me: A what?
Brooke: A cigarette!
Me: Can I see it?
Bri: Yea (she hands it to me) *it was a leaf rolled like a cig*
Me: This is a leaf silly girls
Brooke: Yea but it looks like a cigarette...

What has this world come to that three year olds know what a cigarette is and how to roll a leaf to look like one?

Life: An Update

I know I know, it's been awhile since I've updated but things have been pretty crazy!

My outlook on things has changed drastically with the help of some uplifting friends and life slowing down just a bit. Is everything perfect?... No, and it will probably never be. I know that and have accepted that. Every task taken on in life was put there for a reason and will challenge us to no end, but we will prevail and become a better person from the lessons learned from our troubles -- (that makes sense in my head, I hope it does on here as well)

I have encountered some new and challenging experiences as well as some old but still quite challenging ones in the time I was away from updating...

- About two weeks ago I stared my new part time job for the summer. I absolutely love it and hate it at the same time. My first week there was really emotional for me and I didn't quite know if it was going to work out. I literally came home from work everyday in tears because I was frustrated, felt incapable and just all around upset. I started on a Monday and was just observing the previous teacher in the classroom and that sort of thing. By Wednesday, I wanted out... I wanted nothing to do with it and was just done. I felt like there was no way that I was ever going to be able to be good enough to be trusted with 14 - 3 year olds. I felt like a failure because the kids wouldn't listen. I questioned my future profession because I just didn't know. I guess I was under the impression that it was going to be an easy job. That night and the following morning a lot of my time was spent in prayer desperate for guidance and a sign as to what to do. It was so bad that I got to the point where I literally said: "okay God, when I get to work today I'm going to go quit... I have nothing else to do". His sign for me that Thursday was Ms. Jennifer not being in her office for most of the afternoon. By the end of the day, He had gently assured me that things were going to work out and He would let me know if they weren't! Praise God! Once I regained confidence in my skill, I was informed that Monday when I came to work I'd have a whole new class of students. This was yet another huge adjustment with tons of new challenges. First, these new (younger) class of three year olds are not completely potty trained yet. So of course we have accidents that I have to address and clean up. Some of the kids, I'm not actually sure if they are ready for my classroom. In this class I have 3 girls and 11 boys... and they are a tough bunch! I am finally beginning to feel comfortable disciplining and having them listen to me which is exciting for me!

- Working with the PreK-3 class, I now am certain that my calling is high school kids. I don't think I could tell kids all day not to eat grass and make them go potty every 30-45 minutes. True story: I had a little boy in my class the first week I was there who called the grass celery and ate it. He would also eat those little clover flower things. So I had to have a conversation with him to get him to stop. The first thing that came to mind was rabbits. So I said... Parker are we rabbits or boys? He said boys. I said good, and what do boys eat? And he responded with lunch, snack, and dinner! I couldn't help but giggle and let him know he was right and not to eat grass again cause that's for the rabbits. This experience is definitely solidifying my calling to teach older students and it makes me miss my high school kids so flippin much. I thought that by starting out here I was going to be able to put speech behind me but it didn't work out quite that way!

- Work has also taken a bit of a physical toll on me as well. I'm not used to constantly being on my feet and picking up kids every five minutes. It's taken awhile for my hips to get used to that, considering my past challenges with my hips. So I've had to watch how many kids I pick up and make sure when I'm holding them that I switch which hip they're sitting on every five minutes.

- Last but not least... I cut my hair Saturday! I cut about 12 inches off total and 10 of those inches will be donated to create wigs for cancer patients. I'm actually beginning to love it! At first I was really weary because it was so much shorter. It sits right above my shoulders and I have learned that I can do so much more with it and it looks a million times healthier! I actually love that I can wear it down more without it getting in the way!


So... I think that's all I have for now!

Love & Prayers!

So, It's Been Awhile...

...and things are actually a lot better!




I'm not really sure where to begin, but I guess lets start with... I haven't been this happy in forever! I'm really excited that things have begun to look up... it's about damn time hahahaha!

School: I finished the semester pretty strong and I couldn't be happier about it, well ya know I would be thrilled if it were a 4.0 semester but it was a 3.785 and I'm pleased with that. My only B was in classroom management with the teacher who rarely gives A's. :) So, that brought my overall GPA up to a 3.63 - not too bad! Its crazy to think that by this time next year I'll be a college graduate! Ahh scary!

Work: I got a new job that I start tomorrow and I'm pretty pumped about it! I'll be working in the afternoons teaching a three year old class! It's going to be a challenge but I am looking forward to something new! I'll definitely be keeping up with journaling and let you know how that's going!

Other randomness: I've come to peace with alot of things that have happened in the past and can't wait to continue proceeding forward. One day soon when I have a bit of extra time I want to share my trip to LARC (Lousiana Association for Retarded Citizens) with you all. In a way to get the word out there and in another to preserve it for my own memory. It was a great day that may be kind of pivotal to my moving on per say.

Oh, I have a twitter account (twitter.com/mrd8940) so if you have one, follow me!

Lastly... the picture up there is part of my cross collection that hangs on my wall above my bed. I know for a fact that I would not be where I am today with out my faith and the faith of those around me! I am so grateful to have such a wonderful group of faith-filled friends to share my experiences with! My faith is so important to me and I would be even more lost without it!

Love and prayers, today and always!