Closing One Chapter and Opening a New One...

There is no quote to encompass all of what 2009 brought and took away. It was a year of pain, emotional toil, loss of jobs, new jobs, new challenges, a whole lot of school work, new friends, and new opportunities. It's a year that caused a lot of heartache won't be missed by me. 2010 will yield a lot of new beginnings including student teaching, leaving my job at the daycare, graduation, and hopefully teaching full time! Here's to putting 2009 behind me and opening my heart to the possibilities of 2010!

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe

I both love and hate this quote, and it's pretty pertinent for today.

I know that everything happens for a reason, and although sometimes that reason is unknown it always has a purpose. This "reason" for things not going the way I wanted them or envisioned them is always hard to accept at first. Last week when I got my student teaching letter and saw my assignment all I could do was cry. The school I was assigned to was nowhere on my radar and frankly I had no idea how it was all going to play out. I don't drive and the school was nowhere close to my house, I had no clue how things were going to play out and was stressed. I was talking to a friend about my fears and nervousness, she reassured me that thinks would work out. After some thinking time, I realized that this may be a blessing in disguise. The school I originally wanted was the school where a lot of my Life Teen kids go to school so they would be in my classes and I'd have to worry about professionalism and such both in the classroom and at Life Teen. Later that afternoon, I got a phone call from that same friend mentioned earlier and when I answered she said "God loves you!" and of course I was like yea but why did He not give me somewhere close... and she responded with "because I got that school too and we're carpooling". After I hung up with her I realized, that God knew I cared too much about my Life Teen teens and couldn't sever my ties with them. Secondly, I think God knew that I wouldn't be able to do it on my own so He sent a friend to journey through student teaching with me!

I don't think I even have to get into the second part of this quote, the part where people change so you know how to let go... this has been the story of my life for awhile, if you don't believe me look back at the blog where I talk about a "friend" telling me to get over things and then going do them or the numerous people that stabbed me in the back for their own benefit.

Moving on... "things go wrong, so you can appreciate them when they're right". If finally discovered why I went through all the crap I did with youth group awhile back, it was for just this reason... for me to appreciate them when they're right. I know I've mentioned Life Teen in this post and my previous one, and it has honestly changed my life! I've been involved since about August and I honestly couldn't imagine my life without it. Some of the core team have become very close friends of mine and others are like family to me. They are constantly there for me, supporting and encouraging me through the way. On the other hand, the teens are probably more inspirational to me than I am to them! They are completely amazing and I thank God everyday for this ministry! This is absolutely amazing in comparison to my last ministry experiences including the one of being denied Adoration by being locked in a car. I'm so thankful for my fellow core team members and friends that I have made during this short journey and the many more I plan on making as I continue this ministry.

The next part of the quote is the reason why I hate it! There was a long period in my life where I thought I could only trust myself, that there was no one else that was actually on my side they just wanted information so that they could use it against me later on. This is probably because most of the friends that I made in my life did just that. So in the end I didn't trust anyone for awhile and kept everything inside, which of course just made everything worse. Not being able to talk out issues and worries led to a depression that thankfully I'm pretty close to being out of, although I still have my moments and thankfully I have friends that let me vent and lend a listening ear and words of encouragement when I'm in those types of moods. I have been blessed with amazing friends who I trust with my life. If it wouldn't be for them, I'd probably still be on meds to make it through the day. I know I probably don't tell my friends enough, but thank you, thank you, thank you... you mean the world to me and I love you for all you've done for me!

And finally, the last part of the quote. The bad times have come and will continue to come back in different forms all along this journey of life, but if that's what it takes to get the eternal reward of Heaven.. bring it on! As Catholic's we believe that the good things in life will fall to prepare us for eternal life in Heaven!

Thats all for today, don't forget to tell the ones you love that you love them and are grateful for them! :)

Long Time No Post...

"I want to invite you to “dare to love.” Do not desire anything less for your life than a love that is strong and beautiful and that is capable of making the whole of your existence a joyful undertaking of giving yourselves as a gift to God and your brothers and sisters. . . Love is the only force capable of changing the heart of the human person and of all humanity..." - Pope Benedict XVI

Life has been crazy! I'm going to try something new by starting every post with a quote that sums up my feelings of the day. This one just so happens to be a Pope Benedict quote on love that I read on a friend's profile the other day. No, I'm not in a relationship but that doesn't mean I don't love. I love my kids at work and my life teen kids, I love my family and friends to death, but I have yet to find that "love" that forms a relationship. I could go on and on about that, but I do know that when the time is right, that person will show up... I just have to be patient!

I love this quote because how many times are we afraid to reveal our hearts and the love in them for the fear of isolation, scrutiny, and rejection. And how many times do we want to change someone for the better. Our heart is the only thing that will allow us to know and love each other for who we really are. It is through giving our hearts and allowing us to love and be loved. It is hard to step into the the world with an open heart, especially for me. It's hard to allow the most vulnerable part of me to be seen when it is normally hidden to all except those I am close to.

So I pray that I and you as well may be willing and accepting of having an open heart to the world, knowing that no matter what we have someone watching over it for us!